Monday, 7 September 2015
I've been thinking about judgement lately. I've felt judged for a lot of things- my music choices, the food I eat, how I say things etc. I started to become afraid of expressing myself, of really being who I am. I get afraid that people will make fun of me. I think this feeling has been with me a long time because I was picked on when I was at middle school and I just didn't feel safe anymore. I became depressed and then I also had Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) and anxiety. I think the anxiety I felt about school spread into other areas of my life.
I've been doing inner work more often in the last few years and the Law of Attraction (LOA), along with other things including what I believed to be a soul connection, has helped me to realise how I thought I was less than other people, didn't believe I was worth anything at all in fact. I imagine a lot of people feel similarly. I feel less than others sometimes and I'm afraid that people will hurt me. So I'm trying to work on that. I'm also starting to understand that a lot of the time we're judging ourselves the most.
I wasn't sure about writing this post because I feel kind of "vulnerable" writing about personal things (and I really don't like feeling vulnerable) but I see so many people online who write posts about their feelings and I find it inspiring. So I thought if they can do it, then I can have a go. :)
One of the things that helped me was starting my first blog Star Sparkle Blog. It's mainly about music (one of my passions) with some film and TV thrown in. I started it in 2011 and it helped me to express myself online. I then started this blog in 2013 and finally The Seasonal Life later on in 2013, where I write about "living around the seasons" by celebrating seasonal events.
If you also struggle with feeling vulnerable and opening up (because you're afraid of judgement or otherwise), here are a couple of posts that may help.
Here is a post I did in 2013 (coming up 2 years ago now, didn't know it had been so long!) about the A BLOG ABOUT LOVE series on being vulnerable and connecting with others: http://fallingpetalsuk.blogspot.co.uk/2013/09/a-blog-about-love-posts-on-vulnerabilty.html
I've found it very helpful and have read it over and over. I also mentioned it in one of my Love Project posts on self love: http://fallingpetalsuk.blogspot.co.uk/2013/10/the-love-project-self-love.html
And here is one from Strong Inside Out: http://stronginsideout.com/self-help-isnt-answer/
That's about all I wanted to say for now. Hope you find this post and the links helpful. :)
Photo: Worthing Beach. Copyright Moonsparkle 2015.